You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize