we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
