he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
