Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize