Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
