cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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