Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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