Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize