How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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