bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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