i can't believe i had my finger in that
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
