I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
