my mouth tastes like poor choices
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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