I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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