i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
