I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
