I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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