you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
