The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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