can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
