Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
