I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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