this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
