Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
