She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
