Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
