i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
