I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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