I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
