I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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