I'm lost and stupid without you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's shark week go big or go home
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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