last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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