Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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