his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
