Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
