His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
