If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
