wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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