you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
