O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
