apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
