with your own penis?
This is not my ceiling
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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