yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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