We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
smell my finger.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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