Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
