well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
