life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
