Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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