I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
