I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
