I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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