the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize