Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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