Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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