i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
