I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
