That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
