I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize