So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
