Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bring me that man meat
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize