remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
