This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
