It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
