I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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