Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize