So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
