My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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