I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
