sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
