i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
