I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
