I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize