Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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