billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
