I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
