see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
