go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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