I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
