If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize