she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
