Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
