So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
