Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize