and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
