the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
