yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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