she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
