well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
