She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
