i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
