If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
