but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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