He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
