gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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