2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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