Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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