There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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