Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
