Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize