I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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