im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
