Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
