The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
