Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize